28 Years of Ryan David Campbell

As my birthday fast approaches I find myself falling into a bit of a funk and am perplexed as to why I feel this way. I've always enjoyed my birthday and thought of it as a personal new year's. A time to sit back ad reflect on the things I've accomplished within the past 365 days. This year feels different some how, instead of relishing the thought of it being a day of introspection and subsequent celebration, I am almost afraid to think back on my last year. I guess the root of my problem lies in the fact that I thought life would have turned out differently for my by this point. Now, I know 28 isn't really a milestone birthday, but I'm feeling some sort of pressure to
"get on with it" as it were. I'll try and expand on these feelings. When I first left high school I had naturally assumed by this stage in my life I would 1) be married, 2) have a successful career and 3) have bought a house. I think many people I know also have felt a similiar career, but when I look back on @ the last 10 years I haven't achieved any of these goals. I am not married (@ least in the traditional sense of the word). I don't have a successful career, although I do enjoy what I am doing and I definetely do not own a house. Before the onset of my birthday, I was quite content living in the moment, not really concentrating about what lies ahead and I have to say it felt good. Before coming to Taiwan, both Elisha and I were feeling the pill of something more, but now that we're here we are living in the moment and yet I still want something more. Is it just a question of not being happy with what I do have, or something else? So, torn betweem these feelings, I felt as if a decision needed to be made...continue living in the moment or work hard towards the things I think I'm lacking? I have always been an all or nothing type so looking for a common ground didn't seem possible, did it?

My roommate and and I were recently having this very conversation and after trying to tell him how I was feeling he gave me some encouraging words. He said that many people have a sense of destiny, that they were put on Earth to set the world ablaze in one form or another. The truth of the matter is that for the vast majority of us this is simply not the case. He also admitted to feeling like this @ one time or another and said wha thde does is really take joy in the moments when he is happiest; having late night, existential conversations with friends, smoking oneself's into a haze of fitful laughter, enjoying a day off of work by calling in sick. The rest of it...work, family, paying bills....just gets in the way so in fact I am doing the right thing by seizing these fleeting moments when they come along, 'cos if I don't do it, life would be pretty boring.

What I took from these words was instead of trying to live up to some notion I had as an idealistic teenager is to look @ the things I actually have and find joy in them. Life is a series of moments and when they are gone, they are gone, so carpe diem and grab all the gusto when and will you can. I've decided to adopt this as my personal new year's resolution for my 28th year on the planet, so instead of feeling down in the dumps I feel inspired now. So, hopefully this late-20's crisis I've been going thru has come and gone....@ least until next year :)