sweet f*** all

once again i find myself sitting in front of the computer in an effort to keep up this blog o'mine on regular basis...normally, i could use the excuse that i had been busy or what have you, but the opposite of this excuse can and is the cause for the update, or the lack thereof...i have been up to nothing for the last three weeks, and i do mean nothing. june has been a bitch of a month on the ol' pocketbook...with birthdays, a week short of pay and a VISA run have left my wallet with only moths flittering out, leaving me to panhandle in the subway for change...no, i'm embelishing a tad but she's been a belt-tightened sort of a month, believe me you. There is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel....payday is only 2 more days away and then i will once again be a member of society.

So, how have I passed the time you might be asking? Well, when you have little money you's gots to improvise...here is a list of some of my low-to-no-cost activities you can use (for free!) if you ever find yourself in a similar situation...

#10 - Clean your house - i don't think our apartment has maintained this level of cleanliness since we moved in...for those of you who have lived with me you know me to be a tidy person by nature, but this is bordering on institutional clean...i'm talking immaculate...anyway, an ordered house is the sign of an ordered mind or at least a mind with lots of time on its hands

#9 - Write letters/postcards - this can be a very time-consuming activity and a nice surprise for the recipients of your writings...it's always nice to receive a letter instead of the standard bills, flyers, eviction notices...

#8 - re-watch your entire movie collection - even if you've seen everything a kazillion times, at least you are guaranteed to have 2 hours where you can escape...i mean, it's not like you have the money to buy any new ones, right?

#7 - exercise - yeah, sure. like i did that.

#6 - open your closets - pull everything out of the closet, pile it all on the floor or bed and go to town...it's a great way to organize, modify or throw out your clothes and other goods as needed...for example...."elisha, when did i buy this hypercolour shirt?"

#5 - roll your change - i loathe change and always have an abundance of it occupying space in a bowl or tin somewhere...i hate rolling it even more, but in taiwan all you have to do is seperate it into different denominations and they weigh it...still, i hate the hint of disdain in the clerks' demeanour when you come with bags of coins into the bank...they know, then and there why you are here...you're poor, plain and simple...they smile their knowing smile and make sure that others around you are aware that you are poor by speaking louder than necessary...sigh..they could be nicer about it, but why should they? you're poor, after all...those smug bastards. On the upside, at least you'll have some real money to show for your efforts.

#4 - smoke&smoke - as always, it pays to smoke...bored? have a smoke. hungry? have a smoke, it'll supress that appetite. tired? have a smoke and feel the rush of energy. happy? you guessed it, have a smoke. constant companion, rain or shine, there's never a bad time to smoke...if you aren't already a smoker, maybe now's the time to take it up...sure it's expensive, stinky and will eventually kill you but man, it's the coolest.

#3 - search your friends and family name's on the internet - this can be a lot of fun...i'll share my findings of my own name with you...let's see, a lot of athletes from hockey(see above photo for Ryan Campbell, the hockey player) to surfing, a religious nut and an astronomer who specializes in "Morphology-Density for Galaxies." all in all, nothing too exciting but i did get 2, 530, 000 hits for my name .

#2 - observe your neighbours - some of you might choose the word spy, but i think observe is much nicer. i like to give 'em pet names like "Cap'n underpants" and "granny gong gong"...something associated with their particular idiosyncracies...it makes for quick referencing later when the police come and you need to explain to them whom and why you were "observing"

#1 - sleep - what could be better? we all love sleep and now you have all the right and reason to sleep all these extra hours away...the advantages are threefold...firstly, it don't cost a thang....secondly, you can get caught up on all the missed sleep from better times and lastly, it will pass the time more quickly than any of my other suggestions...i call this the "christmas eve phenomena"...it's just like on Christmas eve when you can't wait for santa to come, so you go to bed @ 8:00 just so christmas morning and present-opening is here faster...hey, it beats watching a grown man crying

Now you know how i pass the days...some of these things are factual activities while others are ficticious...i'll leave it your collective imaginations to decide which are which. I encourage you all to come up with your own lists of things to do when you are bored...i made my students do it in class the other day to save their parents the trouble of thinking of things for them to do this summer...some of them didn't see the point but after a quick but brutal beating, i mean meeting with them, they fell in line with the rest of the chimps.

Well folks, i'm off...going to catch some zzz's before dinner as this is all i planned to do today and now that i've done it, i have nothing else to do. soon enough i will regale you with tales from taiwan...i already have plans for some summer shopping and taking some americans out on the town on wednesday night, so that should be interesting. alright, until next time wo de xiao hei mao.

Oh yeah, before i forget...special birthday shoutouts to two very special ladies...heather-lyn, sweetest of the sweet, bestest friend, glad you had a good birthday and enjoy your up and coming trip to the stampede...and to the lovely and talented amy jane hope, it was nice to speak to you and i'm pleased as punch that you had an excellent day...also, to my fellow Canadians Happy belated Canada Day! i hope it was filled with beer, patios, pools, the beach and other great Canadian summer things that i miss so.